she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Pants are for mortals
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
