I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
