am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
