I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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