I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
