the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
