bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
