friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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