after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
