Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
