Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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