Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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