I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
high people should be assigned attendants
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
