I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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