i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
