He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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