Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
