i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
