I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
