Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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