He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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