if you like me you must not know who I am
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
