If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
