Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
