You really coming over, don't trick.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
