it hurts more in the daytime
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
