I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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