I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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