yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
