Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize