Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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