Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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