i already hear my dad disowning me
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
