ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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