I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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