Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
