Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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