Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
