Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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