he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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