dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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