So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
