i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
