TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
They are going to name an STD after you.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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