Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
