Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
third nipple confirmed
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
