Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
