Someone shit on the floor
honey bunches of taint.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
