I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
