Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
