So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
