lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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