There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
