she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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