Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
