I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
