She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
