I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
it's great music for shaving your balls
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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