so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
