There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
