Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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