I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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