You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
