Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
