based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
