so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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