my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
