6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
