Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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