alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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