While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
